Before we get started, a warning: the following list, if properly adhered to, will result in (1) a good bachelor party, (2) you being branded a cheapskate for life, and (3) possibly funny injuries. I don’t think any of them will kill you. Probably. So follow my list; besides being awesome, it’s also cheaper than
my ex $500.
The least crooked shot you'll have for the album.
1. Nobody Drinks Beer for the Taste
When they’re not pretending to be sophisticated, nobody cares about the taste of beer. It’s a mild preference at best. If I mixed fermented barley in a bottle of drain cleaner, 90 percent of the male populace would still chug it. The remaining 10 percent are pretentious gits in suits, whom you don’t want to invite anyway.
My point is, buy brands like Singha or Anchor. A quick price comparison:
Anchor (6 pack)
Chang Beer (6 pack)
Carlsberg (6 pack)
Bankers, Getting Smashed in the Face by Real Men
Notice the striking repetition in the third column. Buy the cheapest beer. S’all the same.
2. Include Sports
They say it’s all fun and games, until someone gets hurt. Then it’s freaking hilarious.
Sports are cheaper than Karaoke and (after too many beers) at least 12 times funnier. It also makes for better footage. For later family viewing, or for convincing the judge in court. Pick a cheap sport that doesn’t need much equipment. I suggest:
Drunk + getting married tomorrow + hitting each other with fists. No, I don't see what could go wrong?
- Soccer – If everyone’s too drunk to run straight, it will look like a real S-League match!
- Bowling – Because there can’t be enough balls at a bachelor party. Also, gives everyone time to talk.
- MMA Session – Get a discount, one off training session for the group. Ask the trainer to let the groom win. Monkey around and re-enact 1970′s Kung Fu movies, with a designated camera man.
- Ping Pong – Every time someone scores, they drink. Reveals the meaning of life, usually 20 minutes into the game.
3. Don’t Pay for Venue
One of the guests can probably offer their apartment. Just like one of you probably know a carpet cleaner, who can get rid of the vomit stains later. Using a friend’s place (if there is one) beats a hotel room. It’s free, and it’s just as comfortable.
If that’s not an option, see if you can hire a clubhouse / events room at someone’s condo, or along the beach. Don’t hang out in a pub or club, where you’ll end up over budget. If someone runs their own business, and can be bullied, you’ve hit the jackpot: Nothing beats a bachelor party held in some dude’s private office.
Take turns modifying his “strategic plans”.
"You guys aren't in my office. I'm here right now. Where HAVE you been partying?" – (True Story)
4. Fast Food Only
When planning the food, the image in your head should be pizza, pretzels, and various cholesterol laden cheese products. Don’t stoop to getting proper caterers, or even proper food. Not only is it expensive, it spoils the mood. I went to a bachelor party at Tony Roma’s once; I didn’t even dare fart at the table, let alone tell funny anecdotes about the groom.
Though in hindsight, I don’t even know who the groom was. Which leads to my next point:
5. Keep a Tight Guestlist
In other words, don’t post it on Facebook. And tell the other guests not to as well. Bachelor party guest lists balloon faster than a man past his 40′s. Example:
One guy at the office mentions the party on Facebook. The guy in the cubicle next to him posts “Zomg, why am I not invited, you guys totally hate me,” like some kind of petulant teenager. So they invite him. Then someone else hears about it and drops a note saying “Guess I’m not invited. Well have fun guys.” Then the groom feels bad and invites him too. And so forth…
Just get a small, tight group (10 is a nice number). And make sure everyone keeps their mouth shut…until after their party. Then they’re obliged to plaster humiliating images all over 4Chan.
Turns out the RSVP stood for "Riot Squad Violence Predicted"
6. Poker or Video Games
The cheapest entertainment options.
Play multi-player video games on an Xbox or PlayStation, getting steadily inebriated at the same time. Every time someone gets fragged on Halo or whatever, make them down another beer. No one cares who the winner is. For extra entertainment, make sure everyone is on videocam and playing online, with other non-drunk geeks.
Or if there’s no video games, play some poker. Make it a $20 buy-in or something, so no one will go broke.
7. Really Bad Music
Go to Jamwerkz and have the groom cut an album. It’s less than $20, and only requires two people to actually know any music. If the groom has no actual musical talent, then this works twice as well. After you record his lame singing, mass distribute it on Youtube for posterity.
Alternatively, you can book a small pub during an off-peak hour. Ask around the second floor pubs at Mohd. Sultan road; some of them will let you fool around on stage if you’re buying drinks.
"Guys, do you mind? We're trying to listen to the OTHER band on the actual stage?"
The One Question You’re Really Reading This For
*Sigh* Most female strippers in Singapore charge around $300 for 20 minutes. And they’ll only strip down to their underwear. And I’m not posting links! This is a family site (when I haven’t downed half a bottle of cognac at least). While you may be able to find cheaper offers, make sure you’re not being scammed.
You can lower the cost by, you know, not hiring a stripper.
Yeah, lots of bachelor parties end in breakdowns. Here’s a sample:
Venue: Aaron, the freelance typesetter’s office
Free (except to Aaron)
Alcohol (14 x Six Packs of Anchor)
One off MMA Session
Poker and Video Games
Around $100 went into the groom’s pocket
Junk Food (Pizza Hut deals)
Good luck. And remember: keep your eye on the groom!
Got any cool tips for a Bachelor party? Comment and let us know!
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