Angelica Panganiban: No Regrets About Not Meeting Real Mom

MANILA, Philippines - Angelica Panganiban believes that though she wasn't able to personally meet her biological mother, there's a reason behind it---and a good one at that.

Note that Angelica's mother gave the former away when she was still a baby thinking she'd have a better life with an adoptive family. Angelica's biological mom died in 2008 in Singapore, which the actress only learned of accidentally from a friend on Valentine's Day 2010.

The Kapamilya star apparently receives an overwhelming amount of love from her present family.

"Kasi, like 'yung sa mama ko, okay ako, parang hindi ako naghanap o hindi ko kailangang makita 'yung tunay kong nanay. Kasi umaapaw ako ng pagmamahal eh, [mula] kay mama, sa lola ko, sa ate ko, sa mga tita ko..." she told "The Buzz" on Mother's Day, May 13.

While she doesn't nurse ill feelings towards her biological mother, Angelica admitted she did have questions that she opted not to take seriously.

"Gusto ko siyang i-take nang madali kasi 'pag pinili ko 'yung road na mahirap, madilim, baka hindi ko kayanin, baka mag-collapse ako so dun ako sa masaya, 'yung 'Kaloka, bakit kaya?' Laging ganun lang, 'yung masaya. And lahat ng bagay naman kasi kailangan mong intindihin eh. Hindi naman puwedeng walang explanation lahat eh.

"Ang problema lang wala na siya dito para ipaliwanag sa'kin lahat. And 'yung sa akin, kahit na hindi ipaliwanag, thankful ako kasi kung hindi nangyari 'yon, hindi ako mapupunta sa pamilyang 'to, wala ako dito ngayon and hindi ko mararamdaman 'yung ganitong klaseng pagmamahal," she related.

Angelica's life story is apparently as incredible as, if not more than, local soap operas. It was also in 2010 when she finally met her long-lost father, Mark Charlson, a former member of the US navy, after her persistent search for him online.

"Yung problema lang kasi, wala akong naging tatay-'yung lolo ko lang pero nagtrabaho kasi abroad. So wala akong father figure. Kaya naman nung nalaman ko na nandyan pa 'yung daddy ko talaga, ginrab ko 'yung opportunity na hanapin siya't baka mahuli rin ang lahat katulad nung nangyari sa nanay ko," said she.

She recalled feeling embarrassed towards her adoptive mother the moment she found out the truth about her identity.

"Usually kasi kapag may nabalitaan kang gano'n, ang initial reaction kasi ng isang tao, magagalit ka, sasama 'yung loob mo. Pero 'yung nangyari sa'kin, nahiya ako. Parang feeling ko ang yabang ko na minsan aawayin ko siya, mag-aaway kami, magkakatampuhan kami. Parang ang kapal ng mukha ko na gawin 'yon sa kanya to think na hindi niya ko kaano-ano, minahal niya 'ko nang buo na never akong nag-doubt kung totoong pamilya ko sila," she said, adding, "'yung pagmamahal na binigay nila sa'kin, mas grabe pa... 'yung atensyon ng lahat kasi napunta sa'kin, pagmamahal lahat binuhos sa'kin kaya hindi ko talaga malubos-maisip. And nahiya ako na parang ang kulang ata ng mga nabigay ko."

Her mother may well be in a better place now, and Angelica would want her to know that she's "okay."

"Ayokong ma-feel bad siya sa mga naging desisyon niya, kasi naniniwala ako na walang tama o mali, lahat may dahilan. And 'yung ginawa niyang 'yon naniniwala akong tama 'yung naging dahilan niya dahil masaya ako... Thank you dahil binuhay niya ko at hindi niya pinili 'yung ibang paraan," said the award-winning actress-comedienne.

Words are not enough for Angelica to express her gratitude to her adoptive mother because for her, "Mahirap sa salita, madaling bitawan 'yun eh..."

"Nakakainis kasi sana may word na na-imbentong mas hihigit sa 'thank you' at sa 'I love you' kasi kung meron mang naimbentong ganung salita, 'yun 'yung sasabihin ko," she said, even managing to kid, "So 'hi' na lang tsaka 'see you."'


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