Billie Eilish Opens Up About Her History With Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

Starr Bowenbank
Photo credit: Samir Hussein - Getty Images

From Cosmopolitan

  • Billie Eilish revealed that she considered jumping out of a window while touring in 2018.
  • Billie was clinically depressed after losing friends of her after becoming famous.

Trigger Warning: This post contains mentions of depression and suicide.

Billie Eilish, 18-year-old pop wünderkind, often seems like she has it all. Before becoming a legal adult, Billie released her debut album, When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? to critical acclaim. It launched her into mainstream, allowing her to earn tons of money, make A-list celebrity friends, and gain millions of fans across the globe that adored her. But even with all of that, Billie struggled with her emotions behind the scenes.

Ahead of Sunday's Grammy Awards, Billie sat down with Gayle King for an interview on The Gayle King Grammy Special, where she explained that 2018 was particularly difficult year for her. Billie became clinically depressed after her meteoric ascent to fame caused her to lose friends—people who Billie once spent time with drifted away from her because they could no longer relate to her new experiences.

“I was so unhappy last year,” she admitted. “I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless. I don’t want to be too dark, but I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it to 17.”

“Did you think that you would do something to yourself?” Gayle asked Billie. “Yeah,” she revealed. “I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was a window right there. I remember crying because I was thinking about how...the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it.”

Thankfully, Billie refrained from harming herself that night, and now uses her past experiences to prevent fans from taking drastic measures. “I just grab [the fans] by the shoulders and I’m like, ‘Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself,'” she said. “'Don’t take that extra step and hurt yourself further.'”

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24-hour hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or visit for free and confidential help. In the case of a medical emergency, call 9-1-1.

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