THERE are advantages to getting older.
I just don’t know what they are yet. I must not have gotten the memo.
I mean, there has to be. It’s hardly fair if there aren’t any, considering everybody gets old eventually unless he or she leaves this world prematurely. You don’t just start losing your hair and feeling the odd aches here and there without getting something in return.
Quid quo pro, as Hannibal Lecter likes to put it.
And please, don’t say “wisdom” because that’s so overrated. A mature man who suffers from erectile dysfunction will be more than happy to exchange it for a few minutes of, how shall I say it, youthful exuberance.
Perhaps, not caring too much what other people think is one of them.
I know of one gentleman in his 60s who passes gas in the middle of a conversation. Just like that. Without batting an eyelash. I’m not sure if it’s a social statement or a medical condition, but either way, I doff my hat to him.
The first time he did that caught me by surprise. I looked around if other people heard it too. If they did, they didn’t seem to mind. So who was I to make such a fuss?
Since when did a bodily function become rude, anyway?
I look forward to the day when public flatulence gains acceptance. So when you let go, people will say, “Bless you” instead of laugh in your face.
It must be liberating to do away with some social conventions.
Look at what the coronavirus disease 2019 pandemic did to handshaking. The ancient greeting is currently frowned upon to prevent the spread of infection.
I mean, who knew?
I actually don’t mind it being replaced with elbow-touching. I find the latter to be more, how shall I put it, dignified, especially when done with a certain panache like a pumped fist inches away from your right chest. If you’re right-handed, that is.
Also, when you’re past a certain age, say 50, you should have the license to complain and be taken seriously. You can even level up to ranting and raving when you get to 55.
Don’t get me wrong, many people grumble about something when they’re younger but the majority of them just want attention. Trust me, been there, done that.
But once you hit 50, that’s when you realize that your stay on this Earth is drawing to an end. That’s half a century, for heaven’s sake. You want to get things off your chest as soon as possible. There may not be enough time.
I for one would like parking on J. Urgello St. in Barangay Sambag 1 in Cebu City to stop. Look, it’s a narrow, two-way road. When one lane is occupied by a stationary vehicle, it stalls traffic.
So what has that got to do with this column? Well, everything. You see, I’m 50.