Dad tells wife to stop ‘babying’ 13-year-old who has an IEP: ‘I feel like she’s spoiling her’

·3 min read

A parent took to Reddit to vent about how they believe their wife is “babying” their 13-year-old daughter, and Redditors were not pleased.

The parent wrote up a post in Reddit’s “Am I The A******” forum under the username “aitaspoileddaughter,” outlining what they perceive as their wife babying their daughter. 

The post begins, “My wife and I have a daughter, Ava (13). My wife is a great mom and takes good care of Ava but lately I feel like she’s spoiling Ava and not letting her be as independent as she should be.”

The poster then shares some examples of situations in which they believe their wife was spoiling their daughter. 

“Ava struggles in school so my wife emails all of Ava’s teachers to ask for modified assignments (she has an IEP [Individualized Education Program], which I feel is unneeded but that’s a different story) and sits down with her every day after school to do homework with her or do projects or study for tests. I don’t think Ava’s done a single assignment alone this year.”

The parent continued with a story about how their daughter left for school overdressed for the weather, so their wife—who is a teacher at Ava’s school—sent cold water bottles to her classroom and made her spend recess and lunch inside. 

The poster also shared that their wife gave Ava a backrub to comfort her when she had a headache, which the poster considered to be another example of babying.

“In my opinion, Ava needs to learn how to function on her own so I told my wife to stop babying Ava and to let her take care of herself. She can study for a test by herself or take a Tylenol and go to bed without mommy being there to hold her hand and rub her back. She can deal with being a little hot for a couple hours and learn to check the weather app in the mornings,” the parent concludes. 

‘You come off as impatient and uncaring…’

A comment with 4.9k upvotes deemed the poster the a******.

They write, “You mention that your daughter struggles in school and has an IEP, which you don’t think is needed. However, your wife who is a teacher and your daughter’s teachers deemed one necessary. I don’t see anything wrong with a parent sitting down with their child and offering assistance with homework, it’s the behavior of an engaged parent.” 

The post continues and points out that the parent clearly takes issue with more “engaged” parenting styles. 

The comment goes on, “You seem to have a much more hands off approach to parenting, but I don’t think that your wife is really doing anything wrong. You come off as impatient and uncaring.”

Later, this same user edited their comment and added, “I edited out my first sentence after I read in one of your comments, that your daughter has ADHD, anxiety, two autoimmune diseases and a history of dizzy spells and fainting. Ava has special needs and you seem to have issues with her issues being accommodated. Your wife is supporting and advocating for your daughter and you’re annoyed by it.”

Another commenter wisely wrote, “There’s a time to push kids to be independent, but that’s not appropriate for [the poster’s] daughter.”

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