Your Guide to the Metro Manila Film Fest 2011

So, what awaits us this time around? Asides from Eugene Domingo being

practically superhuman by appearing in several MMFF entries, we've only

got our keen sense of intuition to tell us how every movie is going to

end.

Yes, once again, it's December. And asides from awaiting numerous presents to be unwrapped, a hefty Noche Buena to devour, or loads of idle time watching the twinkling Christmas lights, we've got the Metro Manila Film Festival to be thankful for (or not). For it's 36th stupendous year of dissuading the Philippine public from watching any foreign film for an entire week, we're all just about to pee our pants in glee to await the 13th installment of Shake, Rattle and Roll (we personally thought it was on its 20th run) Yes, for the thirty-sixth time, we will never be able to experience even just a hint of all the white Christmas movies featuring a fat, bearded Santa, naughty kids, or a comedic, dysfunctional family. Yup, you missed Home Alone two decades ago because Andrea, Paano Ba Maging Isang Ina was a bigger blockbuster.

1. Shake, Rattle, and Roll 13



Our Stars: Eugene Domingo and the little boy who absolutely does not remind us of Haley Joel Osment in the Sixth Sense.



Our Plot: Teenage stupidity releases a horde of zombie-like ghosts that bed-grab chicks in the night, Freddy Krueger style. Oh yes, and a bunch of really pissed-off dead people, too!



The Possible Ending: Everyone dies, except our heroine Eugene Domingo. Also, the makeup artist gets fired because they finally have the budget to hire digital artists.



2. Enteng Ng Ina Mo



Our Stars: The green monster who might've been Shrek's younger brother.



Our Plot: Ai Ai de las Alas enters Shrek world and becomes Zelda. After all, she was totally asking for some medieval action after marrying Enteng, right?



The Possible Ending: Ai Ai decides that she hates Shrek-world because that entails having to wear some metallic shoulder pads. She gives up her enchanted world and moves to Boracay. Oh, and their son and yaya like purple, very much.



3. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow



Our Stars: Lovie Poe, who can afford to live in a huge house but can't seem to hire a yaya for her baby. Oh, let's not forget the gold digger, the step mom, the cheating hottie, the old hag, the first husband, the jealous boyfriend, and of course, the cougar. Yay for cliche!



(Do check out: Lovi Poe-Woman We Love)

Our Plot: A bunch of people have really horrible sex lives, but end up hugging and crying after some earthquake thing that could have been an alien invasion.



The Possible Ending: Solenn stays hot, Maricel gets a fat paycheck, and Gabby Concepcion is definitely NOT 45 years old.


Hot


Rich


Old.

4. Ang Panday 2



Our Stars: Bong Revilla reprises his role as the almighty Flavio, Marian Rivera as the ethereal nymph Arlana, Iza Calzado as Panday's damsel-in-distress Maria, and a slew of other big names (Philip Salvador, Rhian Ramos, Eddie Garcia) that'll surely rake in the moolah for this sequel.

Panday 2Panday 2

Our Plot: The balance of good and evil has been thrown off its course once again

and it's up to Flavio and his, um, mythical sword (projecting much?) to

save the world.

Panday 2Panday 2

The Possible Ending: Flavio defeats his nemesis Lizardo, saves the day, and wins the girl. Then hops on a dragon and rides off into the senate, never to be seen again... or at least until Metro Manila Film Fest 2012.

Panday 2 Panday 2

5. Segunda Mano



Our Stars: Kris Aquino stars as a compulsive shopper who stumbles upon the handbag of her dreams! Everything is peachy keen until she discovers the bag is cursed and its previous owner haunts it. It's a paranormal snafu. Ding Dong Dantes and Angelica Panganiban also star.

Kris AquinoKris Aquino

Our Plot: A haunted handbag? Has it really come to this?

Segunda ManoSegunda Mano

The Possible Ending: Kris gets help for her shopping addiction and does what anyone in their right mind would do in the unlikely event they're faced with a haunted handbag, and throws the damn thing away. Girl already has a Birkin.

Juice Recommends:

Juice Movies
Juice Buhay Pinoy

Loading...

Editor’s note:Yahoo Philippines encourages responsible comments that add dimension to the discussion. No bashing or hate speech, please. You can express your opinion without slamming others or making derogatory remarks.

  • ToyotaPH continues it’s strong sales in February
    ToyotaPH continues it’s strong sales in February

    Toyota Motor Philippines (TMP) sustains its strong sales in its February performance. Toyota’s strong performance last month was due to the  high demand of the Vios, with sales of 2,012 units and of course the rest of Toyota’s line up such as the Fortuner, Innova, Wigo, Hilux, Avanza and Corolla Altis. Toyota’s luxury brand, Lexus, recorded 60 units last month. …

  • No apology, but Noy seeks understanding
    No apology, but Noy seeks understanding

    There was no apology, but President Aquino yesterday expressed regret, took “full responsibility” and appealed to the nation for “deepest understanding” for the Jan. 25 Mamasapano raid in which dozens died, including 44 police Special Action Force (SAF) commandos. “To every Filipino who has felt failure or has been hurt because of the events related to this operation, it is with abiding humility that I ask for your deepest understanding,” Aquino said in a speech before the 246 new graduates of …

  • MVP on endorsement: Thanks, I’m no politician
    MVP on endorsement: Thanks, I’m no politician

    Businessman Manuel V. Pangilinan is grateful for Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s praise and presidential endorsement, but says he is not a politician. In an interview on the sidelines of the launch of the search for The Outstanding Young Men (TOYM) of the Philippines 2015 Wednesday night, Pangilinan dismissed the idea of running for president in the 2016 elections. “I’m not a politician, I’m just an ordinary business person,” he added. Santiago endorsed Pangilinan as a presidential candidate …

  • No Lenten break in operations vs lawless groups – AFP
    No Lenten break in operations vs lawless groups – AFP

    The Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) is not suspending its offensive against the Abu Sayyaf, New People’s Army (NPA) and other lawless groups during the Holy Week, an official said yesterday. Lt. Col. Harold Cabunoc, AFP public affairs office chief, said the AFP leadership is leaving it up to area and division commanders whether to raise the alert status in preparation for the Holy Week. Those deployed in areas where there are ongoing law enforcement operations against terrorist groups …

  • Probe harassment vs human rights lawyer, CA orders AFP
    Probe harassment vs human rights lawyer, CA orders AFP

    The Court of Appeals (CA) has ordered the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) to investigate a human rights lawyer’s claim of harassment, including surveillance, by several military officers. In a 22-page decision, the former Special Sixth Division of the appellate court granted the petition for writ of amparo and habeas data of Maria Catherine Dannug-Salucon. The CA ordered the AFP to identify the officers behind the surveillance and file charges against them. The CA ruling said …

  • Noy vows to dismantle bata-bata system in PNP
    Noy vows to dismantle bata-bata system in PNP

    President Aquino vowed yesterday to dismantle the culture of factionalism or the bata-bata system within the Philippine National Police as he continued the search for the next PNP chief. Speaking at the Philippine National Police Academy (PNPA) commencement exercises here, the President said the country needed solidarity among leaders and members of the police force so that the policemen would be effective protectors of Filipinos. “Our challenge to the next chief of our national police force: …

  • Envoy to expats: Retire, invest in Phl
    Envoy to expats: Retire, invest in Phl

    Retire and invest in real estate in the Philippines, especially now that the country has made it to the top 10 retirement destinations in the world. This is the message being spread by the Philippine embassy in Washington, with Ambassador Jose Cuisia Jr. leading the refrain in meetings with various Filipino-American communities in the US. In his talks, Cuisia said that an affordable cost of living as well as warm climate and people are just some of the things that make the Philippines a top …

  • PNPA spotlight falls on Ampatuan grandson
    PNPA spotlight falls on Ampatuan grandson

    The stigma of being a namesake of the principal suspect in the 2009 Maguindanao massacre did not prevent Cadet First Class Andal Ampatuan III from entering and graduating from the Philippine National Police Academy (PNPA). Ampatuan III, now with a rank of police inspector, is a grandson of former Maguindanao governor Andal Ampatuan Sr. The younger Ampatuan was among the 246 graduates of the PNPA “Lakandula” Class of 2015. Ampatuan III’s mother is Bai Rebecca Ampatuan, a daughter of the …

POLL

Should Aquino be held accountable over the Mamasapano operations?

Loading...
Poll Choice Options