Your Guide to the Metro Manila Film Fest 2011

So, what awaits us this time around? Asides from Eugene Domingo being

practically superhuman by appearing in several MMFF entries, we've only

got our keen sense of intuition to tell us how every movie is going to

end.

Yes, once again, it's December. And asides from awaiting numerous presents to be unwrapped, a hefty Noche Buena to devour, or loads of idle time watching the twinkling Christmas lights, we've got the Metro Manila Film Festival to be thankful for (or not). For it's 36th stupendous year of dissuading the Philippine public from watching any foreign film for an entire week, we're all just about to pee our pants in glee to await the 13th installment of Shake, Rattle and Roll (we personally thought it was on its 20th run) Yes, for the thirty-sixth time, we will never be able to experience even just a hint of all the white Christmas movies featuring a fat, bearded Santa, naughty kids, or a comedic, dysfunctional family. Yup, you missed Home Alone two decades ago because Andrea, Paano Ba Maging Isang Ina was a bigger blockbuster.

1. Shake, Rattle, and Roll 13



Our Stars: Eugene Domingo and the little boy who absolutely does not remind us of Haley Joel Osment in the Sixth Sense.



Our Plot: Teenage stupidity releases a horde of zombie-like ghosts that bed-grab chicks in the night, Freddy Krueger style. Oh yes, and a bunch of really pissed-off dead people, too!



The Possible Ending: Everyone dies, except our heroine Eugene Domingo. Also, the makeup artist gets fired because they finally have the budget to hire digital artists.



2. Enteng Ng Ina Mo



Our Stars: The green monster who might've been Shrek's younger brother.



Our Plot: Ai Ai de las Alas enters Shrek world and becomes Zelda. After all, she was totally asking for some medieval action after marrying Enteng, right?



The Possible Ending: Ai Ai decides that she hates Shrek-world because that entails having to wear some metallic shoulder pads. She gives up her enchanted world and moves to Boracay. Oh, and their son and yaya like purple, very much.



3. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow



Our Stars: Lovie Poe, who can afford to live in a huge house but can't seem to hire a yaya for her baby. Oh, let's not forget the gold digger, the step mom, the cheating hottie, the old hag, the first husband, the jealous boyfriend, and of course, the cougar. Yay for cliche!



(Do check out: Lovi Poe-Woman We Love)

Our Plot: A bunch of people have really horrible sex lives, but end up hugging and crying after some earthquake thing that could have been an alien invasion.



The Possible Ending: Solenn stays hot, Maricel gets a fat paycheck, and Gabby Concepcion is definitely NOT 45 years old.


Hot


Rich


Old.

4. Ang Panday 2



Our Stars: Bong Revilla reprises his role as the almighty Flavio, Marian Rivera as the ethereal nymph Arlana, Iza Calzado as Panday's damsel-in-distress Maria, and a slew of other big names (Philip Salvador, Rhian Ramos, Eddie Garcia) that'll surely rake in the moolah for this sequel.

Panday 2Panday 2

Our Plot: The balance of good and evil has been thrown off its course once again

and it's up to Flavio and his, um, mythical sword (projecting much?) to

save the world.

Panday 2Panday 2

The Possible Ending: Flavio defeats his nemesis Lizardo, saves the day, and wins the girl. Then hops on a dragon and rides off into the senate, never to be seen again... or at least until Metro Manila Film Fest 2012.

Panday 2 Panday 2

5. Segunda Mano



Our Stars: Kris Aquino stars as a compulsive shopper who stumbles upon the handbag of her dreams! Everything is peachy keen until she discovers the bag is cursed and its previous owner haunts it. It's a paranormal snafu. Ding Dong Dantes and Angelica Panganiban also star.

Kris AquinoKris Aquino

Our Plot: A haunted handbag? Has it really come to this?

Segunda ManoSegunda Mano

The Possible Ending: Kris gets help for her shopping addiction and does what anyone in their right mind would do in the unlikely event they're faced with a haunted handbag, and throws the damn thing away. Girl already has a Birkin.

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