Moises: Should I attend my ex’s wedding?

·4 min read

Barbie: Hi Singlestalk. I’m a successful events host and I’m happy that weddings are slowly going back to regular programming. It’s a positive development after more and more people are testing negative from Covid-19. Except that my ex-turtledove is joining the bandwagon. Good for him. I am currently single and was never in a relationship since the day he broke up with me while I was on my second crispy bite of Chicken Joy. The reason? You guessed it right. It’s not me. It’s him. Yet he found his match sooner than I found mine. She happens to be my high school friend. But wait, there’s more—she wants me to be the maid of honor. I thought this happens only in movies. Truth, indeed, can be as strange a fiction. Should I accept?

DJ: Wedding invitations are welcome. Aside from free food, you’re with family and friends in a beautifully decked out venue after having been quarantined for so long; Of course, still mindful of the health protocols. Considering that it’s your ex-partner’s wedding, it is a brilliant story. And acting as the maid of honor will take the screenplay to a whole new level. A good way to figure out whether you should accept or not is to evaluate how you’re feeling. What’s the context of your relationship with your ex? What’s your motivation?

If you’ve already moved on from that crispy, well-seasoned, crunchy day he broke your heart, attending his wedding can be therapeutic. Seeing him happy with your friend makes a good closure. It’s time to meet new people. The best man perhaps? What about the wedding host? Or the dude who’ll be the last to pop the balloon during the reception’s highlight—the garter game. Love is already in the air. With the old flame officially starting a new chapter, time to get yourself back in the game. Go catch that bouquet. Weddings make a good mixer. Besides, you’ll be resplendent given the embellishment and sparkle that come with the occasion. Cupid might pull a surprise for you, too.

Consider bringing a plus-one. No, I’m not suggesting you pretend that you’re with someone. It’s just cool to have a friend with you, a layer of security to remind you to put down the salad fork in case you’ll unexpectedly become emotional. Seriously, you’ll be more comfortable when you have someone beside you as your ex and your best friend will have their first dance as a married couple.

Your other friends might be too busy talking about their own wedding, how romantic their own engagement was, or the cute words their babies are saying. Be ready as well to deflect any references to your turtledove. Ignore them. Don’t say lines like you’re grateful leaving him in the past because you’re no longer bringing the same mistake to your future. You’re the groom’s ex and his bride’s maid of honor. You’ll be in the limelight. It’s not unlikely to run amok with awkward, indelicate remarks. The attention should be on the groom and his bride. Not on you and the meadows or fields you used to fly together.

It’s awesome to be part of this happy day and wish them well in life. However, if you’re feeling queasy at the thought of him being officially off the market, I don’t recommend that you accept. Why would you want to put yourself through the emotional torture of seeing an ex you’re still head over heels with commit a lifetime with some else up-close, while you’re fixing the train of his bride’s veil? Wedding guests are there to support the couple’s decision to love and to hold for better or worse. And if you’re not fully on board, it might be better to just stay home. Weddings are joyous occasions, not a time to un-love someone. How to decline the offer? You can tell her you’re going out of town and then do it.

Ultimately, only you know what feels right for you. Your feelings are valid. Listen to your gut and instinct. Will it be a positive or a negative experience for you? And if you’ll decide to accept the honor and give a toast at the reception, check the city’s executive order for the regulations concerning public consumption of alcohol. Watch the champagne; Your facial expression, too.

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