Moises: Date an ugly boyfriend

·4 min read

RASHIA: Hi, Singlestalk. I work part-time as a model. Dating someone isn’t really such a big deal. It’s just that because people are so caught up with looks and less in depth, there appears to be a pattern of unfaithfulness. It’s much easier to change partners instead of working on a long and lasting relationship, at least, from what I have observed. I see this in relationships of people I know and not just with mine. Don’t you think it’s best to have a non good-looking partner? There’s more peace of mind. What’s your take on this? At least from your end.

DJ: At least from my end. With you possibly judging from my photo, I hope there’s nothing sinister beneath the surface of this seemingly harmless question. But yeah, I’m the guy people hand the camera every time a group photo is taken. It’s obviously a very unequal world. But not all kinds of inequality receive the same sort of attention. One kind of inequality that’s hardly talked about, even harder to change, is the gulf between the few people who are distinctively good-looking and the majority of us who are, by comparison, and to put it politely, really rather hard-featured. There are no political parties or party lists articulating the plight of us the silent majority.

Yeah, there appears to be a certain grading system. Particularly now with everyone on social media. It’s like a virtual scorecard in which a person’s attractiveness is ranked from one to 10. Those presumed to be the gods—the eights, nines and 10s—should only date those within that range. Subsequently, those among us who are not making the cut will also have to only date those belonging to our own species. But haven’t you noticed that there’s a lot more supply of our breed than the demand? Hardly any competition, right? Was that the peace of mind you were referring to? Wink! Wait, there’s more.

We work harder to impress you. We bring our A-game every single time. Our eyes won’t conveniently stray from the conversation each time a pretty lady walks by. Hey, we’re excited to see you! Our dates are planned in advance. Conversations are easy. No games. No guessing. And no one’s sending us messages presenting alternatives. We know there’s not much of our genes that we can offer. While others drowned in the fountain of charm, we only gargled. So, we level up on reliability and kindness, traits women generally want anyway.

Inner beauty matters. We’re such a treasure, people want to bury us! Thus, whatever we lack on the outside, we compensate on the inside. The less conventionally attractive our DNA sequence is, the more likely we develop other areas and aspects of our personality. Come on. Do we have much choice? We can’t rely solely on our looks. That’s why dudes like me strive to be more intelligent, self-confident and funny. We’re hopelessly optimistic, too. We hang on dearly to this reality—looks fade but the essence of who a person is stays intact.

It’s unlikely for us to stray. A less attractive guy won’t mess around on you. Why? Is there really anyone else we can mess around with? We’re just not built that way. Plus, we’re just so grateful that you even considered dating out of your league that we wouldn’t even consider cheating. I swear. When you date an unattractive guy, you’ll more than likely feel safe and secure. That means you never have to worry.

It’s just unfortunate that through time we’ve been conditioned by romantic comedies and fairy tales where plain girls don’t find love until a makeover and guys don’t find love until upgraded from beast to prince. But it’s up to you. Take what works for you, learn from it and apply those lessons moving forward. And if what you’re seeking is a stable, intellectually and emotionally stimulating relationship that makes you feel adored and desired, consider thinking outside of the box. Yup. Date out of your league.

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