GABRIELA: Hi, Singlestalk. It’s been 12 months since my fiancé came over one night, just after I came out from the shower. He looked at my eyes, gently held my hand, leaned closer and told me he was breaking up our engagement. Barely three weeks before the wedding. He had found another girl. They fell in love working in Boracay for a month. They were there to bring back to life an ailing tourism industry. But it killed what once was a booming relationship. Now they’re about to get married. How romantic. He’s wicked and she wears Prada. Where is karma?
DJ: Karma is probably still polishing her nails and finishing her drink. Seriously, though, being unchosen hurts. You put your mind, your heart, your life into that space. You love him and said yes to spending the rest of your life together. Then it all fizzled out. How sad. Your heart had him as its shelter and now it’s homeless. Now what? Unchoose him back. Take your heart back to its real home—you. This is the time you’ll have to consciously choose to use your brain. You can be rightfully angry. If we are to look for a silver lining, though, at least he took the ring back before the wedding rather than marry you and then leave you eventually. There is no divorce in the Philippines. This dude is not your lifetime partner. A drama could still erupt and would have continued on. Yes, it hurts. It’s hard to see it now but trust that one day you’ll realize that breaking the engagement adjusted your path to a much better direction.
You were not dumped. You were set free. It did not work out. Regardless of how the break-up was served, you’d still lean with your back against the wall, slide down toward the floor as you’re sobbing uncontrollably and asking “why?” You’ll have to find your own closure. I suggest that you purge your house, your social media accounts and your life of your ex. Being stuck to your past will keep you from moving forward. It’s hard in the beginning. But the pain of not knowing hurts much less than the pain of consistently stalking. Been there. You don’t want their hand-on-hips, nose-to-nose, overly acted prenup photoshoot to flood your feed. They’ll nail it. And you’ll get nailed further down. Stuck. Besides, blocking him off will also keep you from editing your life to make it look Instagrammable in case the ex decides to look at your profile. Your life is rewarding and meaningful. Not feeling the need to prove it helps you to actually live and relish it.
Have you tried writing your ex a letter saying all the things you did not get the chance to say? But don’t mail or send it to him. You’re writing this letter for yourself. Emotions are energy and energy needs to flow. If it’s blocked, it gets stuck. It doesn’t leave. I tried this before. Pouring out one’s soul into paper does give a person closure. You can have a long list of reasons why he is the devil’s advocate, even imagine the lady who stole his heart from you as scheming, wicked, maliciously devious as Miranda Priestly. Still, what ultimately leads to the breakup is the reality that you and your ex are incompatible. It’s normal to want him to regret leaving you and take that to his grave. But isn’t it wise not to drag him down the aisle? You will never find happiness from someone you lost it to. Every relationship can teach us something if we allow it. What did you learn about yourself? What doesn’t work for you? How can it better you moving forward?
The people who are closest to you are your biggest cheerleaders. Take in all their love. You may not be able to handle every day perfectly, but your heart one day will mend as long as you’re making a deliberate decision to move on. Who knows? The night your ex broke up with you might just be the best night of your future husband’s life. Keep doing good and goodness will always find you just as the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away. Yes, karma is a beach.