Moises & Palmares : Fear pressure

Darwin John Moises - Michelle Palmares

M: Jimson is on his third year at the university taking up nursing. He has a girlfriend of one year. He’s never had sex while she’s experienced. She’s been putting pressure on him that they do “it.” Lately, her friends are teasing him that he’s gay. And she wants out of the relationship. Should he give in? Don’t. If you feel pressured to have sex, you better rethink your relationship and give it up. In the long run, your decision will lead to consequences that will have an effect on how you deal with other pressures in your life. The teasing about being gay shouldn’t bother you, unless you are and you’ve been hiding that fact from your girlfriend. If that is the case, come clean and tell her the truth.

DJ: No one can pressure or threaten him into an act unless he lets them. It’s his body, his life, his choice. More than sex, feeling regularly nagged about something is not a healthy dynamic for a relationship. What makes Jimson’s situation worse is his girlfriend is telling her friends about something that’s just for him and her. A good relationship is built on trust and mutuality. Being forced into something will eventually erode the intimacy in the relationship.

M: At this day and age, men and women should be more empowered and not be limited by expectations of others. Having sex should be a personal choice, ideally done with a person you love, at the right place, at the right time. If one is overpowered by lust, right place and time would hardly matter but doing it with the person you know and love should rank high in one’s decision to do it or not to do it. Jimson, if your girlfriend wants to have sex, it’s probably not only because she is experienced but she wants to express her love for you and wants you to do the same. She also might be curious why you haven’t attempted to do it since you’ve been together for a year. If she wants out of the relationship just because of lack of sex, that is her prerogative. It’s up to you to assure her that despite the lack of sexual intimacy, you love and cherish her.

DJ: It’s not unusual to be in a different level of interest when it comes to sex. But by being considerate and empathic with each other, this is not something they can’t hurdle together. Unless if they still need to grow and mature for them to be more ready and able to wisely give and take. There is a difference between having a divergence in preferences and being coerced into something. That’s for Jimson to know. How? For a decision that’s important to him, he’s got to at least be given the option to talk about it.

M: At this point in time when there is a declaration of public health emergency and preventive measures include practicing good hygiene and social distancing, maybe it will be good for Jimson and his girlfriend to reassess their relationship and do the necessary preemptive moves if they want to save their relationship. Laying down their expectations will be a good start. If their expectation of what a relationship is and where they are headed is not aligned, it will be good to listen to what their hearts and minds have to say and take it from there. Let not the noise of what other people say alarm and cause panic between the two of you. Jimson, if you don’t want to have sex, that is fine. But you have to consider that your girlfriend has needs too.

DJ: Try to have an open, honest conversation. It’s important for him to listen to her side, too. It can be awkward but it can be a good start toward mutual understanding. Being demeaned into sex indicates a hint of an abusive behavior. This is not okay. And whether it’s about sex, money or any life-changing decision for that matter, it’s not something he should have to put up with.