Mom Confession: “I feel guilty for hating my mother-in-law around my little one.”

·7 min read

Mommies, do you have a good relationship with your mother-in-law? Maybe you can relate and learn from Mommy Princess’ story.

What can you read in this article?

  • Navigating your relationship with your mother-in-law

  • Feeling inferior as a parent when in-laws are around

  • How the author changed her mindset about her mother-in-law

How is your relationship with your mother-in-law?

With all the butterflies in my stomach and the excitement, I’m feeling because of my little one, part of my journey as a first-time mom is dealing with the big adjustments and changes happening in my life. It never runs smoothly in the first few months, especially whenever I experience being insecure about a lot of things.

I came to a point where the only thing on my mind is the fear of making mistakes and being judged by people around me – especially my in-laws – my mother-in-law.

At first, I thought that I will have a hard time getting along with my mother-in-law. But everything between us turned out to be quite wonderful. I never felt being rejected nor hated by them.

And, I never had an issue where I was worried that she might step over boundaries and meddle in our marriage. I can really tell that I’m really blessed to have such a great mother-in-law. But how did I come to the point that I hated her around my little one?

Good relationship turned sour

relationship with mother-in-law
relationship with mother-in-law

Image from Freepik

I think it all started when I got uncomfortable making my own decisions for my child when my mother-in-law is around. That time, I felt that she was questioning my parenting style and comparing how I handle situations to how she does it.

I felt like I don’t have the right at that moment to make such good decisions and seems like I can’t be a good mother to my own child. Whenever I want to do something, it felt like I needed her approval first.

It felt like she was my superior and I can’t stand for whatever I decide to do. Like I know nothing and I just need to watch her take over and control everything.

There were times that I asked myself, “Am I not a good mother?” Can I just learn and explore this journey as I embrace this wonderful transition of my life on my own?

No mother would not want the best for their little one. For me, I just wanted this new whole journey to be remarkable in my own hands – being a mother to my own child.

It doesn’t matter if it’s hard but I want to do things in my control as her mom. But with my mother-in-law around, I felt that I am the second mom. My decisions, opinions, and ideas about raising my child were just second to hers.

Counting the good instead of the bad

But when I came to my senses, I felt so embarrassed. I was so ashamed of myself for having these negative feelings towards my husband’s mom. My insecurities got the better of me and my relationship with my mother-in-law.

I can’t believe that my insecurity about being a mother to my child took over the admiration I have for my mother-in-law.

Once my mind was clear and I was able to reassess myself, I tried to go back to the reasons why I felt hatred towards my mother-in-law when she was around my child. But I found none, and just found myself recalling some of the great things about her.

  • Going back to the first time we met, I can tell that she’s easy to get along with. Even before we had Gien in our lives, she accepted me wholeheartedly in their family. We had a great time telling stories and there, I got the chance to know my husband’s family more and saw how awesome they are. They embraced me for who I am, and my mother-in-law has always shown her support and love for our relationship.

  • I can testify that she’s a great mom, I learned about how she built a humble and simple life for her family. And, I looked up to her parenting ability and how she manages to keep everything in control despite the struggles in life. She also takes care of me like her own daughter. For me, she’s kind, warm, amazing, and a great mom.

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  • When I got hospitalized and was about to give birth, she was there. She took care of me and arranged everything at the hospital, she was at my side making sure that everything is fine, and she offered help even without saying a word.

  • The first day after giving birth was a wonderful and miraculous time for me. However, I encountered some challenges during our fourth night as the transitions happening in my life started to sink in. Despite it, my mother-in-law taught me what to do and shared some of her experiences in taking care of a newborn. I love learning from her expertise – I learned a lot.

  • She’s my helping hand in taking care of Gien. With her, I got a lot of chances to rest and take a nap for a while to reward myself for a very tiring day and sleepless nights. She tries to make things easy and comfortable for me as a first-time mom.

  • She loves us – me, my husband, and most especially our little one. Every time we spend a couple of days at their place or even drop by for a short visit, I see her smiling nonstop. I see her rushing and finishing her chores as soon as possible so she can spend more time with her grandson. I see her efforts in teaching our child values as early as now.

Seeing her in a better light

Having a positive relationship with my mother-in-law really contributed to getting our meaningful connection back. The more I worked on having a positive feeling towards her, the more I was able to relate to everything.

The more I focused on the brighter side, the more I am reminded of her efforts and sacrifices for her family, our family. And now with her grandson, she never hesitates to do it the second time around in her life. She’s my mom, our family too.

At times I feel guilty when I think about how my insecurity would’ve ruined the good relationship I have with my mother-in-law. But upon realizing everything and reminding myself that it isn’t right to feel that way, I start to feel peace.

My insecurity as a new mother burdened me with hate and fear at the thought that she might take over my position of being a mother to my child. Little did I know that she’s our living proof of a fairy godmother.

With her, we can always count on another hand to help our son conquer the world. I will take the lessons I learned from her that will surely help me become stronger, wiser, and the best mom I can be.

I will always be reminded that because of her, I have the best spouse, a great father to my child, a family-oriented, hardworking, and loving husband. It is all because he was molded and guided by a great mother – my mother-in-law.

This time I’m not afraid and trust that we’re in good hands with her around us, especially my little one.

relationship with mother-in-law
relationship with mother-in-law

Image courtesy of Freepik

The post Mom Confession: “I feel guilty for hating my mother-in-law around my little one.” appeared first on theAsianparent Philippines: Your Guide to Pregnancy, Baby & Raising Kids.

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