Palmares-Moises: Married only for two months

Michelle Palmares, Darwin Moises
·3 min read

M: Candy lost her husband to Covid-19 last May. They were only two months married. She’s not gotten over the loss. And it looks like she never will. It’s very hard to lose someone we love, especially under these very challenging circumstances where we cannot even properly pay our last respects. I am so sorry for your loss, Candy. It is understandable that you feel you will never get over your loss. Allow yourself to grieve.

DJ: Just two months of marriage and then off he went. Gone too soon. It is natural for Candy to be grieving. Getting over a loss of a loved one is an individual process. It is influenced by faith, life experiences, personality and style of coping. At least, she is reaching out because it helps. Believing that pain will go away if ignored is a myth. Experience tells us that it’s better to face it, to actively deal with it than to tack it underneath those neat packages. How? Showing her true feelings until she’s done is one. It’s even helpful for her and loved ones. She can express and release the emotion while those around her can help her through instead of just guessing what’s going on inside her.

M: There is said to be many stages of grief and sometimes it seems we will never move past a certain stage. But it will be good to remember that all things are passing. Even grief and the deepest sadness. As to when and how, it will be a process we all have to go through. There is no set period. There is no statute of limitations. There is no assurance that we will go back to where we were before. Because everything changes and life has no certainties, except death.

DJ: I believe in the change process, that people go through denial, even anger and sadness, before getting to acceptance. Face-to-face help matters as Candy goes through these phases. I hope she is not alone at this time particularly that the world is going through physical distance. It is okay to lean on people who care about her. There is also comfort in routine. The sooner she can reconnect to activities or hobbies that bring joy to her, the better. It might be difficult in the beginning but hopefully she gets the strength to at least start doing them again. In time, she’ll regain her momentum.

M: Candy, it has been five months and no doubt things have been difficult. Just keep on keeping on. If you must cry, go ahead. Wail if you have to. Don’t keep your emotions bottled inside. Talk about your husband or not talk about him. Pray unceasingly. Get the support of family or friends. Don’t be afraid to be afraid. But don’t lose hope. Grief takes time. Keep the faith. All things are passing. Even grief.

DJ: There is no specific timeframe for grieving. We can never really fully get over the loss of a loved done. We will still miss them. We only learn to carry on through life without them. Moving on doesn’t mean we forget. We’re just accepting the reality that they are no longer physically there. It will take time. And I pray Candy will eventually be able to use this experience for a renewed sense of meaning, purpose and direction in life.