Palmares-Moises: How can I say sorry?

Michelle Palmares, Darwin Moises
·3 min read

M: Tina eloped with her boyfriend last year. She’s now eight months pregnant. Her mom died of Covid-19 last November. Tina can’t forgive herself how she hurt her mom. She was not able to ask for her forgiveness before she died. How can she heal? In time, through prayers, and asking for forgiveness from the heart. Everything might be difficult and heart-wrenching because of the guilt. But Tina, you will soon have a baby and you have to stay healthy and strong for both of you.

DJ: I’m sorry to hear she lost her mother to Covid-19. It must have been devastating. Hopefully, Tina can come to terms with the reality that while her mother’s physical life has ended, she still has a long life ahead of her. She’s about to become a mother herself. Among the lessons we can pick from her story is while we cannot undo the past, life goes on. Besides, she’s her mother. She must have already forgiven her a hundred times. If only she can tell her that. Yes, there was an infraction and the timing wasn’t good. But that chapter does not necessarily define the whole story. I believe they’ve got great times too. I know it’s easier said than done, but hopefully she can decide to zoom in on those moments and the many other great times that are yet to come, and not let the conflict with her mom have the centerstage.

M: We can never move past our regrets if we continue to dwell on them. We have to forgive ourselves after we have asked forgiveness from those whom we have hurt. It can be a long process, this road to self-healing. Our emotions can betray us so we need to be firm in our desire to move past our guilt feelings. Confession can give relief. Prayer can restore.

DJ: Evidence has shown that the act of writing our thoughts down is therapeutic. Someone gave me this advice too, when my heart was totally broken and it helped. According to Harvard Medical School, writing while grieving boosts the immune system and increases the emotional and mental health. It’s a safe space. Just her and her mom. This allows her too, to sort out her emotions, surface feelings suppressed inside her or express her regret and apology as a way to bring closure. The wise also said that actions speak louder than words. Changing our behavior is often said to be the best way to show that we’re truly sorry. Tina is eight months pregnant. Being a good and responsible mother to her baby can show her mom that she’s a better person now. She learned her lesson. She’s stronger and wiser this time around. And that’s even better than just saying, “I’m sorry.” She can even move this further by forgiving someone who has hurt her too. We all make mistakes. To forebear for someone’s lapse can make her mom’s forgiveness even more real to her.

M: We each carry different burdens, and sometimes are set back by guilt for things we have done or failed to do. Losing a loved one especially one’s mother is very painful. And not being able to say a proper goodbye or ask forgiveness to restore the broken relationship is doubly heartbreaking. But if we surrender all the broken pieces and allow God to heal us, in time, we can be at peace. Allow His love and mercy to cleanse and repair you. It is new every day for great is His faithfulness.

DJ: Everyone grieves differently and within each of their own timeframe. I pray that Tina can let her heart and mind heal, and give herself a fresh start as she’s about to open a new chapter in her life. Loving her baby is another way to pay things forward. Besides, I believe her mom wishes her to have peace. I trust that wherever she is, she loves her too. And love is much bigger than one fight.