I think my boyfriend is gay

DEAR CHICO, DELAMAR, AND GINO...Colin and I started dating during our freshman year in college, and became boyfriend and girlfriend around the middle of that year. We're now both sophomores, and are still together.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure that Colin is gay. I've seen the way he looks at our common friend, Brad, and those are some pretty lovestruck eyes if I ever saw one. He hangs on to Brad's every word, is irritated with Brad even when Brad isn't doing anything, and probably doesn't notice how much he talks about Brad when we're together.

But despite this, I have no problems staying in this relationship with him, at least for now. With him, I don't get forced to do anything physical, because I am not ready for that yet, and he really is great company. When I told my best friend about this, though, she said that I should break up with him and tell him that I think he's gay.

Is this the right thing to do? I don't think it's my right to pull him out of the closet, but my best friend says I'm not exactly helping him out by pretending not to know either. Should I wait until he figures things out by himself, or should I help him along? - Angel

CHICO SAYS...You're a strange cookie. I'm really perplexed at how some women can agree to staying on in a relationship with a guy who doesn't really find them physically appealing. Save for a frisky romp or two, usually accompanied by copious amounts of alcohol, it's pretty much an emotional wasteland for a woman in that position. But I actually get where you're coming from. You're very young, and he represents what a lot of girls your age wants. You get a "harmless" boyfriend, and all the perks that go with it, minus the pressure to put out sexually. So basically you have a BFF under the shroud of a BF. On his part, he actually hit the jackpot, finding a beard which actually knows and doesn't mind his deep dark secret. So on paper, you're both getting what you want, so technically there should be nothing wrong in this seemingly symbiotic relationship.

But in my opinion, there's one major aspect that's missing in this relationship - honesty. If your suspicions are correct, then he's lying to you and using you as a smokescreen. And you're lying to him in pretending you don't know the truth about him, just so you can keep your little comfy set-up. If he opened up to you about his sexuality and you opened up to him about how it's actually convenient for you, and you still mutually agree to stay together, then at least we can file it under different strokes for different folks. I'd still issue a caveat, but at least you both know what you're getting into and going in with your facts straight, even if your boyfriend isn't.

DELAMAR SAYS...I don't think it's right to "pull someone out of the closet." Each gay person knows when the right time is to do that, IF EVER they want to come out. It's nobody's call except theirs.

Having said that, I think you can ask him if he's gay because you ARE in a relationship with him. You have every right to know what he means when he says 'I love you' to you. Is it like how he loves a friend who happens to be a girl or like how a boyfriend loves his girlfriend? The intention here is not to "out" him but to ask if he is in any position to really be a boyfriend to you in every sense of the word. Many girls have agreed to be in relationships with gay men but it's always fair when they know fully well what they are getting into. If they know that a guy is gay and they still enter a relationship with him, then that is their choice. But if a straight girl gets into a relationship with a guy thinking he's straight and then it turns out he's not, then there's deceit involved. And that makes the difference.

Confront him. Have the talk. It's better to know the truth. He also needs to know the truth that you know. And you need to confirm what your gut is telling you. You both could still decide to stay together but you definitely have to be more honest with each other. That's the easiest way to make sure nobody gets hurt.

GINO SAYS...If you're asking me, I honestly don't know why you're still in a relationship with him. If you really think that way, I don't think you're being fair to yourself. You deserve someone who wants you and loves you. If you just want good company, then be his best friend or something.

Here's a question though. Are you absolutely sure about him being gay? I mean, he could just be envious of this Brad fellow. Maybe he wants to be him or something like that. But if you're absolutely sure about it, you definitely shouldn't stay in a relationship with him.

I don't think you should drag him out of the closet though. Maybe you can just ask him why he constantly talks about Brad. However, if you feel that you're both happy in the relationship you have, then it's entirely up to you. But you can only fool yourself for so long.

(Chico, Delle, and Gino welcome your letters. Write to: MByouthsection@gmail.com or the Students and Campuses Facebook Fanpage. Listen to the Kikay Barkada Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)


Editor’s note:Yahoo Philippines encourages responsible comments that add dimension to the discussion. No bashing or hate speech, please. You can express your opinion without slamming others or making derogatory remarks.

  • China says U.S. actions in S.China Sea "irresponsible, dangerous"
    China says U.S. actions in S.China Sea "irresponsible, dangerous"

    By Sui-Lee Wee BEIJING (Reuters) - China said on Friday it was "strongly dissatisfied" after a U.S. military plane flew over part of the South China Sea near where China is building artificial islands, and called on the United States to stop such action or risk causing an accident. The Chinese navy issued eight warnings to the U.S. P8-A Poseidon, the U.S. military's most advanced surveillance aircraft, when it conducted the overflights on Wednesday, according to CNN, which had a team on board …

  • 2015 Hyundai Lateral Drift goes to Philippine Arena
    2015 Hyundai Lateral Drift goes to Philippine Arena

    The smell of burnt rubber and screeching tires are some of the highlights that will be seen at the most adrenaline-pumped drifting event of the year—the 2015 Hyundai Lateral Drift Championship series.   Held at the Philippine Arena in Bocaue, Bulacan, the event will be the biggest venue in the drifting competition. This is the […] The post 2015 Hyundai Lateral Drift goes to Philippine Arena appeared first on Carmudi Philippines. …

  • The Richest Senators In The Philippines
    The Richest Senators In The Philippines

    The 2014 Statement of Assets, Liabilities, and Net Worth for politicians and public servants are now available for anyone to … The post The Richest Senators In The Philippines appeared first on iMoney.ph. …

  • PHILIPPINES PRESS-AirAsia Philippines seeks $500 mln valuation for IPO - Inquirer

    The Philippine unit of Malaysian budget carrier AirAsia Berhad is seeking a valuation of at least $500 million for its initial public offering set within the next two years, the Philippine Daily Inquirer ... …

  • Consultant, facing joblessness, claims P5.9-M lotto pot
    Consultant, facing joblessness, claims P5.9-M lotto pot

    A 39-year-old information technology consultant, whose job contract will expire this month, has claimed his share of the 6/45 Mega Lotto’s P17.8-million jackpot in its May 13 draw, the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office (PCSO) announced yesterday. “I could not sleep for the past several days, thinking about where I could get the money to pay my children’s tuition,” the winner told PCSO general manager Jose Ferdinand Rojas II when he received a check for P5.9 million at the PCSO’s central …

  • Cager’s daughter: I will never drive again
    Cager’s daughter: I will never drive again

    Kim Asaytono vowed never to get behind the wheel again after she hit 14 people on Tuesday night and killed one of them. Even if she gets out of jail one day, the 22-year-old daughter of former Philippine Basketball Association player Nelson Asaytono said she no longer wants to drive. Maybe, I will still ride a car but I will never drive again,” she told The STAR in an interview in her jail cell at the Manila Police District headquarters. …

  • Disaster center to rise in Clark
    Disaster center to rise in Clark

    The private sector is set to build a disaster operations center near Clark international airport in Pampanga to strengthen the country’s preparedness against natural calamities. In his closing remarks during a two-day Earthquake Resilience Conference, businessman Manuel V. Pangilinan said yesterday the Philippine Disaster Recovery Foundation (PDRF) would build the center that would serve as base for immediate response to a disaster. Pangilinan, co-chair of the PDRF, said the disaster …

  • China shoos away US plane in disputed sea
    China shoos away US plane in disputed sea

    The Chinese navy warned a US surveillance plane flying over artificial islands that Beijing is creating in the disputed South China Sea to leave the area eight times, according to CNN, which was on board the flight on Wednesday. The P8-A Poseidon, the US military’s most advanced surveillance aircraft, flew at 4,500 meters at its lowest point, CNN said. The incident, along with recent Chinese warnings to Philippine military aircraft to leave areas around the Spratly archipelago in the South …


Should Aquino be held accountable over the Mamasapano operations?

Poll Choice Options